The NVS Way
It was time for our morning nature walk. The sun was shining, and the large, open field outside beckoned to us for exploration and inquiry. As I began to give instructions, I noticed two students whispering to each other instead of listening.
Me, as a young teacher, would have had a variety of quick responses: “Stop talking. It’s time to listen.” Or a sharp glance with a shushing hand motion. Or some version of “stop-it-or-else”. These have their moments; different situations, children, and personalities require nuance.
Guided by the NVS way, we respond differently. It is a beautiful meld of sturdiness, boundaries, empowerment, collaboration, and restorative justice. We hold the belief that behavior is often an unmet need, asking ourselves, “What is this behavior telling me?” We use restorative justice to guide us into repairing relationships, building empathy, and restoring community. Whenever possible, we collaborate with students and empower them to solve their own problems –strengthening both responsibility and executive functioning.
The NVS Process for Addressing Behavior
Step 1: Regulate Yourself
“Hmmmm.” This sound and pause slows me down, calms me, and helps both of our nervous systems settle.
Step 2: Nonjudgmental Observation
“I noticed [name behavior].” This can be followed by:
What is the rule about that?”
“Do you think it’s better to do this or this?”
A neutral observation invites reflection and agency and promotes problem-solving. The curious tone establishes safety and connection. I am holding boundaries while encouraging growth.
Step 3: Offer Agency with Support
If the behavior continues, “I can see [behavior is still happening]. Can you fix that, or do you need suggestions?”
This offers agency with a scaffold. If the child asks for help, I might offer two desirable suggestions, followed by “Which one will work for you?”
Step 4: Validate Feelings + Hold Boundary
If the behavior still continues:
Name the struggle: “I see this is still hard. You really want [X].”
Restate the limit: “And it’s time for [Y].”
Calmly act: “I’ll help by [specific action].”
Example at Home
It’s time to get ready for bed, and the routine starts with brushing teeth. “Time to put away your toy and brush your teeth.” My child continues playing.
Step 1: Regulate Yourself. “Hmmm.” Pause. Breathe.
Step 2: Nonjudgmental Observation
“I noticed that you are still playing with your toy. What do you think?” (Even without a response, the seed of reflections planted.)
Step 3: Offer Agency with Support
“It looks like it’s hard to stop. Do you want to put your toy away, or do you want me to help?” This still empowers the child while showing that the limit is not optional.
Step 4: Validate Feelings + Hold Boundary
“You really want to keep playing. That makes sense—it’s fun! And it’s time to brush teeth. I’ll put the toy on the shelf now. You can play with it again tomorrow.”
Optional Step 5: Transition with connection.
You might add: “Do you want to hop like a bunny or march like a soldier to the bathroom?” (Keeps agency alive and softens the transition.)
When to Escalate
There are instances where we move right to action or take a different approach
Safety concerns – danger or physical harm
Repeated patterns – behavior continues despite support
Serious disruption – group learning is significantly interrupted
Community or environmental harm – disrespect or damage.
Escalating emotions – when a student is unable to regulate and needs additional support.
I love this approach of offering sturdiness, calm, and empathy in moments of challenge. It may take more time in the short-term, but the long-term investment is worth it. Try it–and notice what shifts.
This approach includes ideas from the work of Dr. Becky Kennedy (author of Good Inside).